Happy New Year!!

This is such an exciting time for me! I just finished my Reiki 2 training (healing sessions coming soon!), I'm holding a January Yoga Challenge for my 24 Hour Fitness Classes (win a FREE reiki eyepillow!), I've got new fundraisers going on with Kutumba (www.kyogadallas.com) AND I'm working on a few new essays for upcoming anthologies (Jesus, Mohammed and the Goddess pre-order here).

I have so much learning happening this spring. Dream sharing, priestess path, tarot, oracle, astrology, sound healing, shamanism, karma yoga--I'm investing so much in my training this year so that I can be the best possible teacher and healer. If you're interested in any healing/readings, feel free to reach out!

I start my Periscope account on Tuesday at 3:45 pm Central time (@yogabyrachael) where I'll be talking with Crystal Kia-Paul (@AlohaCrystal) about her practice, what she's excited about in this New Year, and then whatever she wants to ask me!! I intend to use that platform to allow a wider audence to get to know me, to give folks an opportunity to get a taste of my healings/readings, and to learn!

This past month, my priestess path has been focused on Boundaries/Relationships. Honestly, when it started, I expected it to be easy-peasy. I was wrong. As it turns out, I get really gung-ho about my boundaries when I first start paying attention and make all kinds of strong declarations...but it's as though the act of declaring them takes the wind out of my sails. I seem to lose my drive once I go through the conversation in my head--I can't bring myself to spit out what I mean. The words get caught in my throat and I feel like I'm going to swoon...no longer considered acceptable, as it might have been in aristocratic England. It's caused me to take a deep look at my tendancies towards pretending to be ok and then burying resentments. Of biting my tongue when someone steps on my toes. Of saying it's ok when it's not, or apologizing when I shouldn't.

I know that this comes from how I was raised. I know that my mother wouldn't argue with my father in front of us, and so I never learned how to tell a man what I think in a relationship. I know that the only confrontation I ever engaged in was in a debate--so I plan and research and need cue cards to survive a conversation.

I also know that isn't sustainable in real life.

My marriage isn't a debate round. It's not about winning. But when your significant other is as hard-headed as he possibly could be, how do you navigate those difficult conversations? Where is the line of unconditional love and allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat? How do you stand up for yourself without hurting the person you love most?

I can spit venom. I can make the largest of men feel two inches tall, but I don't want to do that to my husband. I can bite my tongue and swallow my feelings too, but that's not healthy either. I'm looking for that proverbial balance.

But balance isn't easy to maintain, even for a yoga teacher. Sometimes I am like a porcupine, all my defenses up. Other times I'm Puss in Boots, with big eyes begging to have my way. Still others I'm a chameleon-blending into my surroundings so as not to cause a fuss. I know that this kind of honesty and vulnerability isn't always accepted in a spiritual teacher, because we as humans like to follow someone who seems like they have it all together.

I'm not that teacher.

I want to teach from a place of truth. I want my students to know that I don't have it all together. I want people to trust I know what I'm talking about because they see ME, IN ALL MY MESSY, FUCKED UP GLORY.

I'M HUMAN.

I'M REAL.

And that's ok.