Beginning a Blog
As most of you know, my son and I went through a bit of a traumatic experience this month. For those who aren't aware, two men entered my home with a gun while my husband was at work and stole our savings. We were unharmed, but the situation has been a very big teacher for my family. First, it's been a reminder for us just how many people love us--so many have come through and given us some kind of assistance. My father's church paid our rent for this month, my grandmother gave us a car, and friends have taken us grocery shopping too. It has reminded me of the Bible Passage about the lilies of the field:
"Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?“So why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you that even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Now if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?“ Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Now, I'm a pastor's daughter, and I rarely return to the Christian Bible for inspiration. However, this is a passage most of us (in Texas) have heard at some point. Everything was taken from my family, except my husband's paycheck from the previous week. Everything we had saved since we'd found out I was pregnant. We had planned to buy a car the following week. My husband was devastated. I was hurt, because we knew one of the young men. I was frightened, for obvious reasons. But even when I was sitting alone, waiting for my husband and the police to arrive, I never felt hopeless. Pre-yoga, I was on medication for anxiety and depression. I was intermittently suicidal and blackout drunk most days. However, in the midst of the darkest, most difficult situation I've been through in a long time, I never contemplated suicide. I wanted to get drunk, but I didn't run away from my responsibilities. I feel like my ability to move through this situation with relative ease is owed directly to my yoga practice. If I hadn't been given the tools to breath through my panic attacks, I can't imagine how the last few weeks would have gone. I certainly wouldn't have been able to both care for my son, function in most of my life normally AND help keep my husband's head above water. I could have easily descended into fear, worrying about how to pay rent or how to feed us--but I felt steady ground under my feet. I felt grace surrounding my home. My soul knew that we would be provided for. I was able to be present with my emotions and recognize them for what they were--temporary, changing, and not an indicator of reality. I was able to 'seek first' my truth. I know that I am enough, and that all things outside of me I am simply borrowing from the universe. They may be taken at any moment, and it doesn't make me less--because they were not mine to begin with. I know that exactly what I need I will have, and nothing more. I have been able to walk through my life one step at a time, accepting that 'sufficient for the day is its own trouble.'
Yoga gives us these tools, because it reminds us of the truth--we are divine pieces of the universe, borrowing these bodies and these minds as an experiment in consciousness. We are the universe's opportunity to know itself, made from bits of stardust. We are only in control of our own choices, and we are only in control of that if we are aware enough to see when we are making choices. I hope that your practice makes you stronger and more aware. I hope that you can bring these lessons off the mat and into the world.
